Category Archives: Stuff I’m only ok at

Things I’m average at No. 365: Liking the right stuff

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I was having a little Facebook tete a tete earlier, via the comments section on a link a friend of mine posted. Apparently the video, an allegedly hilarious clip of Cowboy Hiphop as yet unwatched by me, has been removed from YouTube because of a violation of its use… or some such . Anyhoo, a friend of the original poster commented that he had seen the video briefly on Glee before violently throwing up and passing out, a response to his obvious hatred for the show. I wrote that I was bummed that not only had I missed the original video, but an episode of Glee too to which he replied (in a sort of companionable tone, one show choir hater to another) that Glee is the worst thing in the world. At this point I had to confess to him, and also to anyone who is reading this, that I was in fact, serious.

I love Glee.

There. I’ve said it. And actually I’m completely unashamed. It’s fun and light and involves singing and dancing, which I love (except when involving children under 12 as that is only creepy and uncomfortable) and it doesn’t take itself too seriously and I am ridiculously entertained by it.

Now, the crowd I run with (side bar to state that I don’t run, am not a character in The Outsiders and am not sure at all why I chose that phrase) are often a little bit cool. They’d deny it, say surely I’m talking about someone else, but they know deep down, that a lot of their opinions and tastes are the “right” ones to have. They hate Muse now that they’re doing songs for the Twilight soundtracks, they love Arrested Development and use text lingo ironically. I say all this not to make fun of them, I share a lot of their loves and their disloves, but to point out the kind of people I’d be offending if I came out as a Glee fan. As it happens I don’t actually care and most of them are interstate which means the subject doesn’t come up much, but if it did I’m sure I’d get some heads shaking. That’s just the way I roll. I’m a maverick.

More things I shouldn’t love but do:

Kevin Costner

Romantic Comedies

Possibly Beyonce, although she hovers over acceptable sometimes. So hard to tell.

Vampire related books, movies and TV shows

Kevin Costners Field of Dreams

Friends, the show not the people, although of course I love that kind too.

Rod Stewart

John Denver

Guy Sebastions Like it Like That

Some R’n’B

Cougartown

Some Hip Hop

Kevin Costners Waterworld

And I could continue. I used to say (as recently as last week) that I’m allowed to like some shit because I like so much good stuff, but it’s more accurate to say who the hell cares.

When it comes to film and television I’m supposed to like Seinfeld and hate the Vampire Diaries. I’m supposed to love the indie music, except when it gets too popular, and hate the Miley (I do, hate her, by the way..). I’m supposed to roll my eyes at misspelled text messages and if I’m really good, I’m supposed to forsake Facebook all together because of its obvious affiliation with all that is naff and its clearly pro-Stephanie Meyer leanings.

I don’t do all that very well. And this post is actually a good reminder to myself to quit once and for all taking social currency so seriously. Liking shit along with the not-shit keeps me in fun pretty much constantly. It is almost inconceivable how easily entertained I am, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Cool means too much work, not enough show choir.


Things I’m Average at No. 119: Knowing Shit About Shit*

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Things happen all the time

Like, all the time. Some of them are bad, some are fun and some are awful. I, as it turns out, know very little about any of them. I have vague sort of opinions about stuff, about what I think is wrong and what is right. For one thing I think Tony Abbott should maybe stop opening his mouth and for another I think the extent to which we have fucked up our environment is a little hysterical.

When soldiers from Israel board a boat of activists and people wind up dead, that is horrifying. What people do to each other is grotesque, sometimes.

This particular tragedy brought to the fore how little I know about what is actually going on the world. It was seriously like “Israel? Right..They’re not the goodies. No. Are they in, Iraq? Or just near it..”. That is how poor my grasp on important gear is.

My ignorance is actually legendary. Well, no. It’s not, but within my head (and I choose to assume the heads of those I live with) it is sung about in halls where Vikings drink mead and toast the gods. When someone says they are an engineer, I still need a moment to imagine them doing anything but shovelling coal into a train engine in stripey overalls and a tall hat.

Except, as a sort of qualifier to the first statement, I do know shit about, like, actual shit. As in useless bits of bellybutton fluff info that no one cares about. Like I know a little som’ som’ about vagazzling, I know about snail slime, and I know the lyrics to just about every Celine Dion song (thank you mum) that exists.

So in summation, if you asked what the song “A New Day Has Come” is about, I would mention how it’s a break out classic, layering the themes of motherhood and a re-blossoming career side by side and that quite frankly, it gives me goosebumps. If, however, you were to ask me who Foucault is, I would respond with “ooh. Um.. Politics? Philosphy. He wrote… like, something big. Ish”.

Prioritise much?

*This particular item is not actually no 119 in a long list of things I’m average at. 119 is an arbitrary number chosen to give the impression that the things I am average at are so numerous, that were I to chronicle them the list that would result would be lengthy and its contents numbering beyond 119 and increasing exponentially as my self awareness about my deficits grow.

Like the corners of my mind

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And so it is… another semester draws to a close, we throw our pointy black hats in the air and walk off, arms around shoulders, but not before we stand on our desks with cries of “oh captain my captain”… Or alternately we barely notice we’ve finished subjects in the chaos of lastweeklastminuteohmygodhowdoIdothisessayinanhour pandemonium, safe in the knowledge we’ll do it all again next term.

In NetComms I have learnt a lot. And I have been interested more than I thought I would be when I started and some guy was all “oh dude. My mate did net comms last year, and he couldn’t pass. He couldn’t. And it’s boring” and I was all “shit”. I am really enjoying the internet now, which sounds like a statement from an informercial (“The Internet”! Where it’s safe to be a nerd!), but it’s true.  I loved hearing and reading about social theory behind the different facets of the web, I love it that I actually know stuff now– like what web 2.0 is and you know, about youtube celebrities and stuff.

Writing blog entries has been fun and I certainly intend to keep them up, possibly a little sillier, a few more music related posts, a few more imagined conversations with fictional characters. I have learnt through the experience that it’s tricky being a blogger. Sure, you just write whatever crap comes to mind, but you pour your heart and soul onto a page that most likely friends will say they’ll read and then never follow up on. You say you don’t want to be the next internet thing, but there’s always a part of you that wants someone in blog land (a king or a duke) to notice your lowly scribblings, recognise your superior wit and excellent cultural referencing and give you a blog in the palace. Or you don’t, but it is hard. And I found that writing entries about actual topics made it difficult to be light and airy. I wanted to be funny, but then I got all interested in what I was writing. Which maybe shows how average at sticking to a theme, or being consistent I am. Sigh.

Another thing I’m real average at is writing essays, which explains why I failed one earlier. But, what excites me about the webs is that as Geert says, anyone can blog; it requires no tech knowledge or special skills. I can write as me and not be afraid because I’m not like everyone else. All my part in the internet requires of me, is my self. Goodo.

As stated, I want to continue my burgeoning affair with the world wide web (we’re taking it slow, but.. it’s getting pretty serious), and I want to learn how to share and be shared with and to explore more the idea of a public commons and or sphere. I want to think more about piracy and its cultural relevance and if it’s ok. I want to learn about why the internet –effectively people– does what it does.

And I want to upload pictures of cats.

So many cats..

I’m excited.

8 Habits of fairly average Bloggers

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Hi! You look great today!

I thought in honour of the subject matter (being mediocrity) and in honor of the media I’m using (being a blog) I would compose my own list in the vein of copybloggers very helpful list of habits to adopt if one wants to be a successful blogger.

Here are some helpful tips to assist you, the delightful reader in maintaining a nice level of average-ness in your blogging*.

1. Get Caught Up Doing Other Stuff

Right now, you could be watching scrubs, sitting in bed, picking things out of your fingernails, going to class, avoiding class, or talking about video’s of three year old drummers on YouTube. If you want to make sure your blog is pretty av’, maybe do one of more of these, instead of blogging. It’s really easy, and once you start you’ll find you don’t want to stop.

2. Be Vague, and Ramble a Lot

I find that nothing keeps people reading like things that are not round-a-bout and are instead of that more getting to the point quickly so you know what the writer is saying real soon like.

I know once, when I was at school, I read a book– boy that takes me back. I had a teacher who was a ukranian gypsy. Loved to play the panpipes, which was odd because he had no lips.. Where was I?

3. Write About Stuff You Dig, Regardless of Whether People Dig It Too

You know the Japanese poetry you write about the differing varieties of house bricks? Or the tally you keep of grammatical errors in Woolworths catalogues? That is dynamite stuff. Write that shit down. The interweb needs you to tell it all of your things you can’t tell anyone else, on account of them leaving you/hating you/setting you on fire to hear something else besides about your passion for smurf lit.

Point three is tricky though folks, if you’re not careful, you could inadvertantly stumble apon or even create a new niche market for those who can’t get enough of Morag from Home and Away. Before you know it you’re on the front page of WordPress, and then where are you? You’re popular, that’s where. Watch out for the long tail, ya’ll. It’ll getcha.

4. Be Distracted By Interests In a Multitude of Subjects

My favorite kind of blogs are those that cover heaps of different subjects.

“A blog about ballet, whiskey, Television, Zinc, and all that comes between”.

I think I like them because my brain works that way, jumping clumsily from one shiny thing to another like a drunken magpie. Some blogs like this are really succesful, too.

So my advice would be to not censor yourself. If someone tells you there’s no discernable link between football and knitting needles, they’re wrong. Well, they’re right, but we don’t care.

5. Post Erratically

This probably goes hand in hand with the first tip, and you will certainly find yourself with a lot of time between posts if you are as easily distracted as I hope you are. Probably the more erratic the better. Readers seem to dig regularity or at least a blogging pattern they can rely on, no matter how long between posts. Try this: when someone says the exact phrase “have you posted anything new on your blog about –insert rando subject here– lately, I will give it a read” , take it as a sign, wait exactly a month and post then.

6. Be Spontaneous!

And you know what else, Cornflakes!

That was an example of aforementioned spontaneity.

I subscribe to the writing school that says WRITE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO. I say, forget planning, forget spelling, grammar and themes and forget paragraphs or numbered points (Oh irony.. my old bunkmate). Structure and meaning are all constructs of a society afraid of what bloggers will do when there’s  NO PARAGRAPH BREAKS AND CATCHY TITLES! YEAH! How you like me now?!

It’s like Napoleon Dynamite and Lizzie McGuire  say. Follow your heart.

7. Don’t Be Afraid to Lose Interest

Look we all know this blogging thing is a fad. You thought it was cool when all your friends started doing it. You thought it’d be fun to blog about fights between Star Trek characters, and who wouldn’t. But you don’t need to hide anymore, we know it’s tough having to write all the time, having to do anything at all.  It’s ok. I’m here. Just let go. Ssshhh. You can rest now.

8. Forget Most of the Time to Do Anything

It’s definately best, and easiest if you don’t have to plan to be distracted, or to write down your erratic thought poo, or to make sure your links between subjects are hazy at best. It’s probably best, and definately best for your very, very mediocre blog if you just forget you even have one most of the time.

For some futher inspiration here are some examples of blogs that are interesting, succint and well planned, so you know what to avoid.

http://techcrunch.com/

Mmm. See how it’s organised? And looks good? Also, the writers seem to know what they’re talking about and have a very clear idea of their target audience. Yup. That suckah’s go’ be read.

http://www.brooklynvegan.com/

Yeah. Same problems as before, plus this blog clearly makes sure it is an up to date source of information for its readers, and therefore posts regularly. Tut tut.

http://jezebel.com/

Straight to the point, short posts that engage the reader and then entice them to post something of their own. Amateurs.

I hope this has helped you start your own journeys of mediocrity, I’ll see you again in a hopefully less smart arse post. Not sure when though, obviously. Cheers!

*hint, these can perhaps be carried over into other areas of your life as well! I know, right?!