I wonder

what this will look like.

 

I’ve been thinking a lot lately…

 

about creativity.

About wonderful ideas

 

and things that people make

and do.

 

I’ve been thinking about exploring.

About finding more trees.

 

I’ve been thinking about yarn bombing,

about note posting

And

about

form.

About

how

creativity

is


bottomless.

  I love it.                                                                  I think we were made to make things.

I’ve been thinking about how I, like so many others, want to make things that make people want to make things.

and make them want to laugh

and to sing

and to smile

dance

paint

walk

look

listen

hear       touch  pause      breathe    make

write readunderstandthink

live.

I’ve been thinking.


 

Things I’m average at no. 763: Being Academic

(I wrote this after assignment time around two months ago and was unable to finish due to shame induced blog amnesia so it’s a little out of date now. Here it is.)

 

I’m having essay regret. Not the regret that comes around every assessment time shaking its head saying “what the frick are you studying for anyway, you should have stayed stupid”, although I get that too, this regret is the regret that comes from handing in a piece of work you know is shoddy, you know is under researched, you know is basically a ramble of thoughts and words so loosely related to a topic they may as well have just brushed past it in the shops. I’ve handed in a pile of Arial fonted shite.

Oh God Oh God Oh God. Why.

Every time I think about this essay my mouth does this thing. It goes into a line, a thin tight line that pulls a little to the left. Like a wee little stroke of shame. My mouth is trying say “oh god oh god I can’t believe I handed that up oh god” but all that  is appropriate for most social occasions is the slight twitch.

Also, I liked my tutor. I don’t want him to think I’m a git. We had drinks together, he listened when I spoke, and now, inevetably he’ll read my essay and think “why in the hell is that seemingly intelligent girl handing in what is essentially a tenth grade book report?” Oh man.

You need skills to be good at this study thing, I guess. Time management and all that shit, but also, the ability to do it. To put down the remote, or the novel, or the table tennis bat (I don’t know) and turn to What You Need To Do and friggin DO IT. I have a very limited grasp of this skill. Even now, I’m on holidays and I’m not doing that right. I have books I want to read and stuff I want to write and I’m watching a shit load of Greys Anatomy because I am so crap at telling myself to fucking DO IT.

I honestly believe I have some undiscovered form of learning disability that manifests in a squirrels attention span, a large lump of brain play-dough that sits in front of a concept I need to grasp making it nigh on impossible and a near complete inability to express thoughts that I do understand.

And the thing is, is I did understand this. I listened to my tutor and read the books and got it but when it came time to get down.. holy shit. Everything broke and I submitted the academic equivalent of Twilight.

Oh God oh God.

Anyway, sorry to whinge. It’s not so bad. Luckily for me this grossly malformed learning gene hasn’t stopped me from memorising copious pop-song lyrics, hundreds of movie references and the way to the toilet. I’ll be fine.

Sigh.

 

A Conversation

Phil: “So.. You’ve actually seen real birds of paradise?!”

Kate: “Yup.”

Phil: “Do they look much different?”

Kate:”.. to .. the flowers?”

Phil:”Wait. Are we talking about like, plants, or birds?”

Kate: “Birds.”

Phil: “Yeah! So do they like, sit in trees? Are they big?”

Kate: “Um..-”

Phil: “Are they carniverous?”

Kate:”What?”

Phil: “Well you’d think big birds might be carniverous.”

Me: “Why? Why would you think big birds might be carniverous?”

Phil: “… Pokemon.. Avatar..”

true story.