Some stuff

I have too much in my head. A small taste platter of what lurks within:

The world is so lovely, so lovely. And I spend a lot of time on facebook.

I jest about my mediocrity, but am concerned that it means I will fail at the things I find most important.

I read some of the work of this girl in my short fiction class and nearly disliked her based on envy alone and the envy threatened to close my throat.

The smell of rain today was wonderful and heavy.

My tooth may be in serious peril.

Opinions are important. Maybe. I don’t even know. But I don’t have mine all laid out like some people do and I wonder if that’s a big deal.

I love Melbourne.

Sometimes the wish that I could lose some weight nearly overtakes the wish that everyone would realise how cool they are and stop hating things.

My friend made some caramel slice and it’s basically just condensed milk with chocolate on top and it’s awesome.

I want to go away somewhere and think and breathe for like a week. Without facebook there to observe stoically.

Do you ever wish you could just tell people when you want to be mates with them, and ditch all the “oh, hey maaann..” bull? Me too.

I want to research anarchy and the bible and to start sticking shit up in public places.

I don’t feel well.

thanks for you time, interweb! You’re a doll.

There’s no business like

I have no right to enjoy my activities from the weekend as much as I did. Which obviously sounds dodgy, on reflection and so I will hasten to ad that what I meant by that is the level of enthusiasm experienced when attending something I had up until an hour prior had next to no interest in attending was out of order. Particularly when the something attended was effectively a carnival also attended by billions of despicably consumer driven and obscenely hyper children and their broken spirited parents.

No one goes to the show any more. Of course people go to it, someone’s got to keep the small Malaysian children who make orange novelty wigs in a job, or wander about in a stunned morass, wondering why they brought their spawn to such a plastic-lust inducing seizure tank but no one that I know, really goes or wants to go to the show. We just seemed to get over it.

But this year, oh, this year, Kate and I got a free ticket. Which brought the ridonkulous price down a little so we wouldn’t have to sell our kidneys/first borns/drugs to enter the blessed gates. So we went.

That was a long intro to what will be a fairly short, probably erratic and overly uninteresting anecdote, but I’ll persevere as I don’t know yet what I want for dinner.

Look! A teeny tiny donkey child!

We approached the task at hand like the money challenged nanna’s we are by bringing our own food (Kate BAKED BREAD. Pull-a-part cheese and ham bread if you DON’T mind. The things people do, on a whim seemingly, usally whilst I’m re-loading facebook or sleeping, make me shake my head in wonder. Shake shake.), deciding to only purchase one treat (FAIRY FLOSS! FAIRY FLOSS!! FAAAAIRY FLOOOOSSUUH!!!) and heading in the afternoon to avoid the feeling of crapulence that comes from wandering about all day.

And like the money challenged nanna’s we are our entertainment came chiefly from meandering about, gazing at huge eyed baby animals, various and sundry arts, crafts and cakes that looked like other things than cake and generally hoovering up as much free entertainment/food as we could find in our voracious quest for satiation.

this is in fact a cake, not an echidna. I know it's difficult to come to terms with.

While this might sound like no ones cup of anything, I actually had a lot of fun. As I’ve mentioned I had nearly too much fun, which owes a lot to the company I was with. Kate is HILARIOUS  and we are good at providing low budget entertainment for ourselves. And it was educational.

Things I learnt at the Show:

1. Children are mental

2. Violent Orange does not a nice hair colour make

3. Oversize wigs rarely look good or humorous

4. When your friend hands you a baby lamb and says “he might pee on you” this should be viewed as a prophecy

5. Monster trucks are HUGE. And awesome.

6. Bertie Beetle is still excellent value at $2 a showbag

7. People still make things. Like, with their hands. Somewhere in the world are people who want to sit and lovingly craft intricacies out of wood and and metal for hours because they want to make something new

8. The things people make with their hands, out of wood etc, are often really inspiring and beautiful

9. Fun is cheap

So effing cool


A Conversation

Phil: “So.. You’ve actually seen real birds of paradise?!”

Kate: “Yup.”

Phil: “Do they look much different?”

Kate:”.. to .. the flowers?”

Phil:”Wait. Are we talking about like, plants, or birds?”

Kate: “Birds.”

Phil: “Yeah! So do they like, sit in trees? Are they big?”

Kate: “Um..-”

Phil: “Are they carniverous?”

Kate:”What?”

Phil: “Well you’d think big birds might be carniverous.”

Me: “Why? Why would you think big birds might be carniverous?”

Phil: “… Pokemon.. Avatar..”

true story.

I just, I need to get this out of my system

There is, friends, a great and a glorious thing that exists among us. Humble, unassuming, taken daily for granted, but beautiful beyond reason. The very face of God staring at you from your Royal Doulton dinnerware.

ham & cheese on multigrain- elegant in its simplicity, no?

The sandwich, man. Can’t. Go. Wrong. What, I ask could be better at being a meal in your hand? The Sandwich. Splendid, mighty, piquant.

The Widow Maker (ie tomato, cheese, avocado & cucumber. not for feint of heart.)

If you can’t grasp the lofty concepts I’m tossing about like so much baby spinach, allow me to break it down for you.

Sandwiches are one of the better things that exist in the world.

They save my life and they do this by being totally awesome and also edible. I suspect that there may be some who are still unconvinced of the vast and boundless magnificence of the sandy, and for those, I will now drop some knowledge.

double decker PB&J (no I am not an American, I am however a fan of the acronym and potentially lethal sandwich filings).

Why sandwiches kick other things asses:

1. It’s everything you need, and it’s all together in bread, that’s why.

2. It’s the food of the working class. No piss-farting around with knives and forks and all the other bullshit the bourgeois wants us to think is necessary and impressive. You just pick it up and you jam that sucker in your face.

smiley face fritz & salad on white -note the controversial "horizontal cut"

3. The sandwich is the single most impressive invention of the modern age. What’s that? Penicillin? Oh, oh, the printing press?

You can put anything you want between two slices of bread and eat it for your lunch.

Boom.

My neighbour is SO. LOUD.

But not in a playing rock ‘n’ roll way, not in an interesting drunken rows with spouse way, in a “I have an impractically, incomprehensibly loud speaking voice and need to relate some anecdotes about doing laundry, building pergolas, and some face-eatingly boring tales regarding who attended which family function with what bottle of tasty red” way.

It’s like living next to Charlie Browns teacher when she’s older and more boring and has embraced the megaphone.